Even After Getting Married, I Still Couldn't Forget My Ex-husband. My Infidelity Ruined Two Families...

My ex-boyfriend contacted me out of the blue after his wife became pregnant, swept me away to a hotel for an intimate encounter, only to abandon me roadside when his wife called. Though I was once his true love, I now feel like an outsider,yet it was my husband who shattered first...
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My ex poured out his remorse to me.
After parting ways three years ago, he suddenly reached out, confessing how he had foolishly let me go in a fit of pride. He met his wife through an arranged match, he claimed, with no real affection—even attending his wedding in slippers, a testament to his reckless nature. I believe him; he was always impulsive. Back when I studied far away, he'd drive hours to fetch me, enveloping me in blissful moments. Yet my parents opposed our union, and after graduating, I secretly moved in with him. When both families discovered our affair, their efforts to tear us apart failed, and they eventually relented.

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His deep-seated chauvinism surfaced.
As our cohabitation stretched on, his domineering streak emerged. He criticized me relentlessly for not being diligent or devoted enough. I spent my days managing his internet cafe, but he always found fault, sparking endless arguments. Gradually, my heart chilled, yet my investment kept me bound to him. After a cold war, I stormed home to my parents, and he warned, "If you leave now, no one will come for you." True to his word, he never did, and I never turned back.

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He married someone else.
Following our split, I moved away for work, slowly healing my heartache. Those who've endured heartbreak understand the pain isn't physical but a soul-deep ache. How could a four-year love end so abruptly? I sought reconciliation, but he rejected me. Late last year, when his grandfather passed, he begged me to attend the funeral. My father advised against it, calling it inappropriate. Shockingly, he swiftly married an arranged partner and started a family. Even after his wedding, we kept in touch sporadically. During his wife's pregnancy, we met once.

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I felt like a mere mistress.
That day, I rushed back to see him from afar, hoping for two cherished days together. But late at night, his wife called, demanding his return. I pleaded with him to stay, refusing to let him go despite his sweet promises. Usually assertive with me, he broke down: "I know I'm wronging you today. If you're angry, hit me, but I must go back. My wife summoned her parents, and they're waiting..." Stricken with sorrow, I felt like an illicit intruder, though I knew I deserved better. We argued until dawn, and in my fury, he abandoned me on the roadside and sped off.

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My husband uncovered the lingering ties.
In a fit of rebellion, I impulsively married a man I found online. My parents adore my husband, and our marriage has been harmonious, almost quarrel-free. Yet resentment lingered, and before my wedding, I contacted my ex. My husband discovered our messages; though furious, he still cooked and washed for me. After dinner, I pretended all was well, but he slammed the table in silent rage. Witnessing his anguish made me realize how deeply I had wounded him.

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I grasped my husband's profound love.
That night, I confessed my mistake, claiming nothing happened—just a harmless outing—and swore to cut ties. In truth, I had slept with my ex again, longing to bind him to me forever. Even married, I couldn't unravel my obsession. Once during the holidays, my ex texted me, and my husband snapped, "Get out," ignoring me for days. Hurt, I fled home, but he chased me down and bared his soul: "Am I truly so unworthy?" I explained my ex initiated it, and the storm passed. Only then did I understand how deeply he cared.

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The entanglement with my ex resumed.
A year ago, I thought I'd moved on, yet we reconnected. I poured out years of bitterness, and he confessed regret, saying every memory haunted him with pain. He admitted his marriage lacked love. I knew I should end it, but old wounds flared. He bombarded me with daily declarations of longing and love, begging to meet. I resisted, but temptation won, reigniting our affair.

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My ex professed his devotion.
Each time we revisited the past, he'd hold me, weeping over his foolishness—how he'd gambled with marriage to someone he didn't love, a decision steeped in regret. For a while, he bent to my every whim, promising anything. I asked why he'd changed so much, recalling his once cold, chauvinistic self. He replied, "For you, any sacrifice is worthwhile."

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I refuse to rebuild a life with him.
After a decade of turmoil, I only sought proof that my unwavering devotion deserved his deepest affection in return, forcing him to pay for abandoning me. Now, when he urges me to divorce, I retort, "You cast me aside once; I clung to you desperately, yet you pushed me away. I gave you my youth, and now you crawl back?" Deep down, I vow that even if I leave my husband, I'd live alone rather than reunite with my ex.

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My ex and I remain ensnared.
Now, I only contact my ex when my husband is out, blocking and unblocking him on a whim. He often complains I prioritize my husband, neglecting him. When irritable, he probes, "How often do you sleep with him? Does he satisfy you?" Rebuilding a family is impossible—children, reputation, and stability are at stake. I know I no longer love him, yet fear a shattered home and my child's pain. When I mention parting, he rages; once, he threatened me with a knife at work, vowing to expose us. Terrified, I stayed silent, meeting him when he wished, maintaining daily charades. This quagmire is my own doing—a pit I've plummeted into, with no escape in sight.

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